Retirement two years on - lessons I’ve learned
Retirement has taught me unexpected lessons. Here’s a few.
I spent two years planning my retirement. If you are thinking about stepping back from the hurly burly of work then I recommend taking time to think hard about your future. Be prepared for surprises.
As I planned for retirement, there were three major considerations: time with family, modelling and cooking.
Living as ex-pats, we’d missed seeing family growing up. We needed to rebalance with a focus on the grandchildren.
Being absent from family members for such a long time means building relationships and in some cases from the ground up. I wasn’t expecting that and at times its been hard work. In a few cases it continues to be a work-in-progress. I vividly remember sitting next to my daughter at a cafe and not recognising each other. That’s my problem.
Family members just want to know they’re loved and cared for. The problem is that it requires time and that’s the one thing no one can buy yet is invaluable. Anything else is a bonus. If, like me, you’re heads down in a career then put your head up from time to time for family and friends
If that sounds soft in a world where work dominates so many people’s lives it’s worth noting that a longitudinal study of longevity, running that started in 1938 shows that THE pre-determinant to a happy life is the maintenance of relationships. Genetic make up helps, but your social background and personal wealth may be OK but they’re not enough.
Modelling has introduced me to a kind and helpful community of folk who are incredibly supportive of an old guy coming back to the hobby after 55 years. It’s taught me that kindness and gentleness are way more encouraging and productive than some of the aggressive cut and thrust in which I was routinely engaged when working. Today, I’m happiest swapping hints and tips with other modellers. If your down time consists of going to a bar or restaurant then find something completely divorced from work that stirs passion. It will serve you both now and into the future.
As a side issue, I was blown away by the insight my good buddy Martin Kovak recently had about being trapped in the creative hamster wheel and how non-stop work had almost crushed his creative spirit. He’s adjusting so as to get a life even if that means sacrificing revenue. That’s a lesson I never learned until it was too late. He’s got a good 30-40 years in front of him. Bravo!!
On cooking, after 20 years of supporting me in everything I do, I wanted to pay back to my long suffering partner by monopolising the kitchen. Cooking is a great social platform that serves to show family you care. As a side note it meant I got to select all the cooking toys and food types we get to try.
Like modelling, cooking requires acquiring skills. As a life long learner, this is something that feeds my imagination and satisfies my curiosity about discovering how ‘stuff’ works - or doesn’t. I wish that our government made cooking skills an academic necessity because it’s a good way to learn about protecting our fragile natural environment while offering a way to be socially engaged. In that sense I still have lots to learn, especially pastry cooking which is a mystery to me.
When I retired I knew I was exhausted. I’d become the ‘man who never sleeps.’ While not strictly true I understood why people had that perception. I was surviving - not living - on an average of four hours sleep per night. I convinced myself that if it was good for Margaret Thatcher then it was good for me. Until it wasn’t.
It’s taken two years to get to a point where I average around 6-61/2 hours per night, topped up with the occasional siesta in my ‘magic chair.’ I’ve no idea why but every time I sit in this chair I nod off to sleep for anywhere between 30 mins and 2 hours. The key is adjusting my routine and that has proven surprisingly difficult. I’m not a natural daytime person preferring the night time during which to do ‘stuff.’ I’ve overcome some of the more obvious obstacles by scheduling medical visits to afternoons. When family come for dinner, I usually schedule for 2-3pm. It’s not entirely satisfactory and compromises are sometimes necessary. The main thing is that I’m no longer deluded into believing that extended time working is a good thing. It isn’t. It’s counterproductive in the long term unless you consciously decide that life IS work.
In conclusion, retirement is great. I’ve no desire to regularly work again although I have done a few short term projects that use the skills I learned over 52 years of work. They serve as a rewarding change and opportunities to pass on knowledge.
While I no longer have a calendar of planned events, I’ve learned that after the initial chaos of having nothing structured to do, having structure remains important. For example I set time aside each day to read about topics of interest and listen to podcasts that expand my understanding of events that would otherwise confuse me. Cooking always takes place between 7-9pm.
But above everything I’ve learned that the truly rewarding things I do have little to do with my interests but in the relationships that flow from those interests. Where this takes me next is anyone’s guess but I know it will be an exciting adventure.