Race and racism is a complex problem. My foodie experience living in a multi-cultural family
Getting the race issue ‘right’ is hard work. Here is my recent experience
When I moved in with my partner some 30 years ago I knew I was buying into a Heinz 57 family. My partner had three children to three different men from three different cultural backgrounds. That’s complicated by any stretch. It was also a time when I was attending university on a social sciences course.
At the time, I didn’t see race as an issue but as a family problem. But when asked in class if I am racist at my early sociology class and being shot down when saying ‘no’ was a car crash moment for me. Is it true that being white and middle aged defined me as racist? Did my Britishness alone make me racist? I was confused.
The rationale offered was that as a white person, I AM racist. At the time it seemed plausible yet uncomfortable. Looking back there are a couple of things that stand out:
It made me think hard about how I viewed the children I’d inherited.
It made me think about the prejudices I see applied to ‘different’ people.
Looking back, while marginally helpful as a challenge to my world view at that time, that teaching direction is badly flawed. Why?
I understood from an early age the issues of marginalising race and especially Jews. I saw that at my grammar school where Jewish students were singled out for maltreatment for no other reason than the fact that they were Jewish. Even as a pre-teenager it struck me as deeply unfair. For the historians on the crowd this was 1962-63.
Bringing this back to today, a big chunk of my family are devote Muslims. I’m comfortable with that because their ‘school’ teachings are inclusive. Here an example:
This week was my life partner’s 70th birthday and I wanted her to enjoy a good meal with our ‘girls’ all of whom are Halal compliant. How might that work unless we visited an Asian restaurant?
The answer was straightforward but a bit convoluted. If you’re Muslim then there are three big no-nos. Shellfish, non-Halal meat and alcohol.
I called up our local fine dining restaurant and explained the dilemma. They understood and they adapted their menu dishes accordingly but without compromising the chef’s desire to serve great food.
This might sound trivial but then I know that food is a great ‘collector’ of emotion and enjoyment. I also live in a part of the country that’s dominated by Asian restaurants, so a meal at a so-called fine ding place is a departure for Halal compliant eaters.
I called ahead and ensured that the food on offer would meet my party’s culinary requirement. They delivered and my party was surprised at how much they enjoyed the food on offer - with a few twists.
What does this say about race and racism? A lot. A restaurant has to satisfy its customers but fine dining places tend to be rigid about what they serve. For me, achieving the small amount of flexibility needed to make my Halal party happy was well worth the discussion with the chef. In short, everyone is a winner.
Isn’t that what life is about? I think so.
As a side note, the girls enjoyed their food. We all learned something. And that’s good.